The Five Most Important Things to Ask Your Child After A Game

Teaching children to value only final results in sports competitions robs them from
having fun and learning new skills in a positive environment. Questions like “did you
win?” “did you get a hit?” and “did you score?” can be de-motivating for kids. Instead,
we suggest that parents focus on their kids’ enjoyment, measuring their success by what
they learn and how they improved. After every game there are things you should ask and
discuss and others you should avoid. Here are the five most important things to ask your
child after a game. Feel free to print this out and place it in your wallet, in your office, or
on you’re refrigerator.

Take Five to Listen, Not Judge
This spring we are asking parents to forget the scoreboard and take five minutes with
their kids to ask the following five important questions …

1. “What did you learn today?”
2. “Did you enjoy yourself, and why?”
3. “Do you think you’re improving?”
4. “What’s one thing you would like to achieve this season?”
5. “If you were coaching your team, what would you do
differently?”

These simple questions will open a line of communication with your child and provide a
better understanding of whether he or she is benefiting from the experience. Listen
closely to their answers and you will discover valuable information that can possibly
change an experience before it gets to the point where they lose interest and no longer
want to play. If you focus on the final score or specific individual results you are risking
the strong possibility that a child feels they’ve failed. Winning a game or achieving
individual statistics are often out of an athlete’s control. If you as a parent or coach only
focus on end results, kids will follow your lead and devalue all other achievements that
occur during the ebb and flow of competition. Remind yourself after every game of the
five most important things to ask your child and you’ll begin to also enjoy and learn from
all aspects of a season.